Helping never felt so right!

so it happened...yesterday...i went out on my first case...with the rape crisis center...once the phone call came in...my stomach immediately went into tight knots...my palms were sweaty and i was nervous...if u know me at all u know nervousness doesn't really happen to me alot...so it was kind of a big deal...i think i was nervous about being a "good" advocate...nervous about saying the right thing...nervous about listening...just nervous....luckily i am still a shadowing advocate so i wasn't there alone...while i can't talk about the case...i can say that i get it...i get my purpose i get the centers purpose...and i know that without us...yesterday would have been more difficult for our victim...during the course of my 4 hour stint at the hospital i slowly eased into my comfort zone....talking...ha...being blessed with the gift of gab and being able to talk to well...to anything really came in handy...it was odd how easy it was....easy to be an advocate...easy to SINCERELY care and want to help...whether it was getting nurses to bring us juice...getting specialized nurses to the hospital....completing paper work...and all the while bonding with you victim so that they know that you are there for them and only them...reassuring them that what they are doing is right...and for pete's sake just listening!!!

I can't express how glad i am that i have started this venture...i'm excited about helping...and excited about being apart of an organization that truly makes a difference.

Honesty is Sexy!

I recently had a conversation with a person who I would say is a new friend...u see we met because of my cousin Camille...they used to date...and when she passed away he was one of the first people I knew I needed to find to tell, so he wouldn't hear it from someone else...anyway since her passing we keep in touch through text and myspace messaging...all of this to say i sent him a msg this weekend and he was going thru some things...relationship things...BLAH...why are things so difficult...i've always had this strong feeling that if a relationship is right then it shouldn't be HARD...and when i say that i don't mean you don't have to work at it...but it's like digging a hole...if both of you are digging at the same pace...working just as hard...the process is still trying and difficult but you achieve it together and reach the end together...where as if you have only one person working really hard and the other barely moving dirt...then hell yea it's gonna be hard! I feel like relationships work the same way...maybe i'm completely wrong and living in a fantasy but i know i don't wanna work 110% give everything i have and more to something or someone and they are only operating at 50%...thats crap!

During our conversation he talked about stresses in his most recent relationship...and one of those being lies...little lies...big lies...silly lies....but lies nonetheless....and i came to a revelation...if people truly new how much easier it makes things to be honest...they would freak!! I mean really if you tell your current mate the truth...the whole dirty ugly truth....what then do they have to be worried about...if you are upfront and give them all the facts no matter how bad...they can't question...they can't suspect...they can't worry....why because it's all there for them...the good the bad and the ugly truth...I recently met a man...'the boy' as i refer to him...and can i just say that from evening #2 of hanging out...he said 'well, before you start to really like me there are things you should know..." and he proceeded to tell me every ugly truth he had... at first i was overwhelmed and shocked and then realized...wow! this is what its like to have all the facts upfront and now I get to make the decision on whether or not we continue hanging out...I get to choose...with all that i know that he has going on...i get to make the choice before i ever know if i really like him...i make the choice to stick around...it was liberating...shockingly comfortable... and truthfully his honesty was so sexy! It made me want to hang out with him more...made me want to get to know him...i didn't have to wonder about ex's...he told me about those...i didn't have to worry about family...he warned me about them...i didn't have to ask his plans for the future...he has a 5 year plan...i didn't even have to ask him what he wanted from me...he told me upfront and said if that's not what you want someday let me know now...WOW!!!

so for my new friend...i say trust yourself...and actions ALWAYS speak louder than words and if given another chance i hope she shows you honesty...cause you my friend deserve it!

Uneventful Weekend...or was it

So, first things first...volunteering...well i picked up the phone Friday after work...the girl i got it from warned me 'it was ringing like crazy'...so i was ready...i was ready to lend my advocate abilities...so friday night i just hung out at home...caught up on some dvr shows and waited...waited for it to ring...NOT one call all night...so yes this is a good thing...it meant no victims were in need of our services which is good, but it had me questioning if 'I' was needed...Saturday was spent being kind of lazy...waiting for the phone to ring...i watched some tv...took a nap...and still no phone calls...around 5 i had to go to my other job (we'll get to that exciting tidbit later) and turn the phones over to the back up...got home about 10:30...powered up the phone and waited....

i guess i should interject here and mention that this was the 'INFAMOUS' Single Awareness Day Weekend...while i seem to have not been the luckiest in the 'LOVE' area, however i found myself on this saturday...spending the majority of my day with 'the boy' hmm lets call him...well i don't have a name for him yet, so for now we will just call him the boy...anyway 'the boy'...it wasn't anything holiday orientated...thank goodness...i think he has me figured out enough to know that i'm not 'there' yet...wherever 'there' is...i'm not...but it was nice....i hate using that word it seems so cliche...but with 'the boy' it seems to fit...

while at my other job...i work at for a company that sells interior decor...it was a pretty quiet evening...then 'she' came in...we will call her Zebra Shoes...Zebra shoes walks in with her family around 8:40...mind you we close at 9...so this is quite annoying...i immediately notice her shoes...while telling a co-worker about them...she trips...BAHAHAHA...yep stumbled a little bit over the corner of one of our displays....i try to muffle my laugh as i tell the co-worker what i have just seen...then about a minute later....she yells at us at the register "WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN FUNNY IF I WOULD HAVE FELL NOW WOULD IT"...bahahaha...the real me was thinking...well...actually, it would have been even funnier...but i composed myself and just stared at her while she made her remark...and then...it gets better...her big beefy husband about a minute later...walks up to the counter and says "So, you were laughing at my wife because she almost fell?"...he literally looked like he was going to clothes line both the manager and i...we both just kind of stared at him...hahaha...i mean what do you say....why yes sir i chuckled because your wife couldn't see the LARGE display their and almost fell into some flowers...yes i laughed....well he surely would have punched me...at least i think so...so i just looked at him...and said "we were laughing about something yes"...he looked at me crazy...and then...THEY CONTINUED TO SHOP!!!! past 9...i'm sure on purpose...well all i know is she bought a very loud ORANGE purse...so the next time you see a woman with one...check her out...it might Zebra Shoes...watch carefully she has a tendency to trip...

so back to the phone...home from work at around 10:30...my friend Nessa came over...as did 'the boy'...this was their first time to really meet and hang out...'the boy' is a wannabe comedian so he entertained us both with silly jokes and impersonations...Nessa wants a lunch date...to discuss 'the boy'...does that mean my best friend is worried, because she can tell how i'm feelin? YIKES!

anyway...still no calls saturday night...again....a good thing....just still leaves me questioning my part...

Sunday...'the boy' goes to church...he plays in the church band and even took me last week to a music shop (he claims its his hideaway) and played a couple of things for me...interesting how cool i think it is...probably because i was only in band for 1 year...got stuck playing the french horn and never learned how to ready music...anyway i learned he writes music...and thats probably one of his biggest passions...writing...interesting 'the boy' is...very interesting...

I spend my Sunday...cleaning... i gave my refrigerator a thorough cleaning along with the microwave...GROSS!!! how in the world do they get like that...how is it i never seem to notice i spill tea or juice when i take the pitcher out...but after cleaning it i'm very aware that i do this...and quite often apparently!...and still NO calls....i watch my favorite show Brothers & Sisters, playback the Amazing Race...and then head to bed...still no calls...still questioning my role....

and then at 3:01 am...it happened...a call...a real call...while i can't discuss the case...i can explain to you the sense of accomplishment and awareness of my "need" at that very moment...some victim somewhere needed our services...and i helped provide them...while i couldn't go back to sleep because i was restless...somewhat worried about the outcome of the case...and somewhat sadden by the fact that sexual assault happens so frequently...i was relieved to know that i was there...that someone will be there...and that the victim won't have to go through it alone...because that's what i signed up for...to help people...and this weekend...for one person...i did!

(i titled my post uneventful...then typed this...then added the rest...guess it was more eventful than even i realized!)