My House...

Ahhhh to say that...my house...not my apartment (where i pay entirely to much rent) not my rent house ( where again i pay entirely to much rent) but MY house...yep as i type i am sitting in MY spare bedroom :) that makes me smile a little a spare room haha...well the truth is for the past oh 2 months i have been stressed to the max...i was worried about not finding a house...not even the right house just A house...then the end of May my car was totaled and this coming monday i start my new job...yowsa...its alot! but i can honestly say at this moment...this very moment...i am taking a second to pat myself on the back...i have bought my own home...and at this moment i am relaxed and happy about the situation...funny thing is it's never the smoothest ride...but for some reason i have grew stronger in my faith in the recent months...even dusting off my bible and reading...praying not for things but just being thankful...thankful that i was even at a place in my life where i could buy a home...i have been so stressed about things that i wasn't taking the time to simply say thanks...and oddly when i started doing that the stress let up and things fell into place...i guess they always do with him on your side...anywho just needed to get some things off my chest...but pics of the house will come soon as soon as i paint!!!

Death of Black Beauty

Sadly this weekend...my very first car... Black Beauty as i refer to us...has gone to Car Heaven :(...Eric & I traveled to Amarillo....for a bachelorette party and to hang out with my sister...anywho Eric and my future brother-in-law Hooks were traveling to Amarillo via I-27...and there was a wreck near Mcormick road...traffic was backed up and at a complete stop...No emergency vehicles were there yet for the wreck so traffic was not being directed...anyway Eric came to a complete stop at the back of the long line of cars...and thats when a guy rear ended them....sadly this has put Black Beauty out of commission...because of the high speed the guy was traveling...my trunk was almost in my back seat...both driver and passenger front seats broke and laid back in the back seat...because of the impact the dash crumbled...and Eric tells me a CD flew out of the CD player...I will post pics of the accident...but must take a minute to thank God...why...well becuase honestly there were so many factors that could have made it 10X worse....right before the boys were hit...the large diesel in front of them moved keeping them from being squished between cars...they were both wearing their seatbelts...the car that hit them was about 2 inches from the gas tank...and thankfully Kyla and I were not in the backseat....all factors that I am thankful these boys had their guardian angels that day...and I must say I'm a sad about Black Beauty...my first car that I purchased with my own my money...have my own insurance...and ahhh the memories...the road trips...if those walls could talk :) ha it would be a good ol' time...so here's to you Black Beauty...for keeping me safe all these years...being dependable...reliable...and a fantastic first car!


The initial rear end view of my car...if you can see how the trunk is squished up and bent...and if you look closely you can see the damage done to the front end of the other car :(















The Driver back side





























Here is the dash board and how it all popped loose...

Straight A's

So, I know its been a while since I posted...rather some months :) But I have a legitimate excuse...I've been busy...I currently work 2 jobs, started graduate school, volunteer at the Lubbock Rape Crisis Center and have boyfriend whom I absolutely adore and try to squeeze in time with...but with all that said...I promise today to blog more! (thats for Eli and Abby!)

My grades were finally officially posted today, and yes that is right 2 A's in my very first graduate level courses...I don't remember being this excited when I was doing my undergraduate work...but I feel a sudden sense of completion and well awesomeness!!! Ha so I'm going to celebrate my A's before the summer term starts next week :)

Toodles!

Dreams...what do they mean

I have always been intrigued by dreams...partly because i think i have really weird ones...and partly because i think it's quite amazing what the brain can remember...some TV commercial from weeks ago... and it shows up in my dream...

the reason i bring this up is because last night...i had the oddest of dreams...it was very vivid and real... it incorporated my journey of being a sexual assault advocate....my new boy...and other random things...

the dream started with being called out on a case....i was at work...normally when i leave work i txt the boy on the way home...i was so freaked about the case i didn't get a chance to...i rush to the hospital...which looks nothing like any hospital i have seen...i arrive at the hospital and am met by an advocate i already know...we are then told where our victim is, but that it is a different part of the hospital...a lady (who is actually a regular customer at Kirkland's) offers to show us the way...we follow her...but then have to cross a grassy area...and i for some reason have on no shoes...so we lose her...we then walk around the whole outside of the hospital until we find another entrance...then we are forced into the smallest elevator in the world (which i hate) with a bunch of screaming kids...they all want to jump up and down and we are just trying to get to our victim...i have been warned over and over that this victim is severely injured...meanwhile i left my phone on vibrate...and the boy...worried that i haven't txted him at all is calling me from 'the hitching post' (which is an actual place in Lubbock he likes to go) and from the barber shop...anyway the smallest elevator ever...is also the fastest elevator ever...and takes us right to floor 15 and we are ushered out...we get to the room...where again i find the regular Kirkland's customer with our victim she is her grandmother...the victim is an older woman with children...and her bruises look exactly like Rhianna's in that picture that was plastered everywhere...but she was awake and you could see she was really beautiful...then i realized my pants were buzzing i had 30 missed calls from the boy...i called him back and let him know where i was and he understood...i even asked him to bring some shoes...then my alarm went off

WHAT IN THE HECK!!!! all of this...and i remember it all...and i do this often where i have dreams like this...so vivid like movies...and i remember them...is this normal? or am i just as crazy as i think i am!

Helping never felt so right!

so it happened...yesterday...i went out on my first case...with the rape crisis center...once the phone call came in...my stomach immediately went into tight knots...my palms were sweaty and i was nervous...if u know me at all u know nervousness doesn't really happen to me alot...so it was kind of a big deal...i think i was nervous about being a "good" advocate...nervous about saying the right thing...nervous about listening...just nervous....luckily i am still a shadowing advocate so i wasn't there alone...while i can't talk about the case...i can say that i get it...i get my purpose i get the centers purpose...and i know that without us...yesterday would have been more difficult for our victim...during the course of my 4 hour stint at the hospital i slowly eased into my comfort zone....talking...ha...being blessed with the gift of gab and being able to talk to well...to anything really came in handy...it was odd how easy it was....easy to be an advocate...easy to SINCERELY care and want to help...whether it was getting nurses to bring us juice...getting specialized nurses to the hospital....completing paper work...and all the while bonding with you victim so that they know that you are there for them and only them...reassuring them that what they are doing is right...and for pete's sake just listening!!!

I can't express how glad i am that i have started this venture...i'm excited about helping...and excited about being apart of an organization that truly makes a difference.

Honesty is Sexy!

I recently had a conversation with a person who I would say is a new friend...u see we met because of my cousin Camille...they used to date...and when she passed away he was one of the first people I knew I needed to find to tell, so he wouldn't hear it from someone else...anyway since her passing we keep in touch through text and myspace messaging...all of this to say i sent him a msg this weekend and he was going thru some things...relationship things...BLAH...why are things so difficult...i've always had this strong feeling that if a relationship is right then it shouldn't be HARD...and when i say that i don't mean you don't have to work at it...but it's like digging a hole...if both of you are digging at the same pace...working just as hard...the process is still trying and difficult but you achieve it together and reach the end together...where as if you have only one person working really hard and the other barely moving dirt...then hell yea it's gonna be hard! I feel like relationships work the same way...maybe i'm completely wrong and living in a fantasy but i know i don't wanna work 110% give everything i have and more to something or someone and they are only operating at 50%...thats crap!

During our conversation he talked about stresses in his most recent relationship...and one of those being lies...little lies...big lies...silly lies....but lies nonetheless....and i came to a revelation...if people truly new how much easier it makes things to be honest...they would freak!! I mean really if you tell your current mate the truth...the whole dirty ugly truth....what then do they have to be worried about...if you are upfront and give them all the facts no matter how bad...they can't question...they can't suspect...they can't worry....why because it's all there for them...the good the bad and the ugly truth...I recently met a man...'the boy' as i refer to him...and can i just say that from evening #2 of hanging out...he said 'well, before you start to really like me there are things you should know..." and he proceeded to tell me every ugly truth he had... at first i was overwhelmed and shocked and then realized...wow! this is what its like to have all the facts upfront and now I get to make the decision on whether or not we continue hanging out...I get to choose...with all that i know that he has going on...i get to make the choice before i ever know if i really like him...i make the choice to stick around...it was liberating...shockingly comfortable... and truthfully his honesty was so sexy! It made me want to hang out with him more...made me want to get to know him...i didn't have to wonder about ex's...he told me about those...i didn't have to worry about family...he warned me about them...i didn't have to ask his plans for the future...he has a 5 year plan...i didn't even have to ask him what he wanted from me...he told me upfront and said if that's not what you want someday let me know now...WOW!!!

so for my new friend...i say trust yourself...and actions ALWAYS speak louder than words and if given another chance i hope she shows you honesty...cause you my friend deserve it!

Uneventful Weekend...or was it

So, first things first...volunteering...well i picked up the phone Friday after work...the girl i got it from warned me 'it was ringing like crazy'...so i was ready...i was ready to lend my advocate abilities...so friday night i just hung out at home...caught up on some dvr shows and waited...waited for it to ring...NOT one call all night...so yes this is a good thing...it meant no victims were in need of our services which is good, but it had me questioning if 'I' was needed...Saturday was spent being kind of lazy...waiting for the phone to ring...i watched some tv...took a nap...and still no phone calls...around 5 i had to go to my other job (we'll get to that exciting tidbit later) and turn the phones over to the back up...got home about 10:30...powered up the phone and waited....

i guess i should interject here and mention that this was the 'INFAMOUS' Single Awareness Day Weekend...while i seem to have not been the luckiest in the 'LOVE' area, however i found myself on this saturday...spending the majority of my day with 'the boy' hmm lets call him...well i don't have a name for him yet, so for now we will just call him the boy...anyway 'the boy'...it wasn't anything holiday orientated...thank goodness...i think he has me figured out enough to know that i'm not 'there' yet...wherever 'there' is...i'm not...but it was nice....i hate using that word it seems so cliche...but with 'the boy' it seems to fit...

while at my other job...i work at for a company that sells interior decor...it was a pretty quiet evening...then 'she' came in...we will call her Zebra Shoes...Zebra shoes walks in with her family around 8:40...mind you we close at 9...so this is quite annoying...i immediately notice her shoes...while telling a co-worker about them...she trips...BAHAHAHA...yep stumbled a little bit over the corner of one of our displays....i try to muffle my laugh as i tell the co-worker what i have just seen...then about a minute later....she yells at us at the register "WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN FUNNY IF I WOULD HAVE FELL NOW WOULD IT"...bahahaha...the real me was thinking...well...actually, it would have been even funnier...but i composed myself and just stared at her while she made her remark...and then...it gets better...her big beefy husband about a minute later...walks up to the counter and says "So, you were laughing at my wife because she almost fell?"...he literally looked like he was going to clothes line both the manager and i...we both just kind of stared at him...hahaha...i mean what do you say....why yes sir i chuckled because your wife couldn't see the LARGE display their and almost fell into some flowers...yes i laughed....well he surely would have punched me...at least i think so...so i just looked at him...and said "we were laughing about something yes"...he looked at me crazy...and then...THEY CONTINUED TO SHOP!!!! past 9...i'm sure on purpose...well all i know is she bought a very loud ORANGE purse...so the next time you see a woman with one...check her out...it might Zebra Shoes...watch carefully she has a tendency to trip...

so back to the phone...home from work at around 10:30...my friend Nessa came over...as did 'the boy'...this was their first time to really meet and hang out...'the boy' is a wannabe comedian so he entertained us both with silly jokes and impersonations...Nessa wants a lunch date...to discuss 'the boy'...does that mean my best friend is worried, because she can tell how i'm feelin? YIKES!

anyway...still no calls saturday night...again....a good thing....just still leaves me questioning my part...

Sunday...'the boy' goes to church...he plays in the church band and even took me last week to a music shop (he claims its his hideaway) and played a couple of things for me...interesting how cool i think it is...probably because i was only in band for 1 year...got stuck playing the french horn and never learned how to ready music...anyway i learned he writes music...and thats probably one of his biggest passions...writing...interesting 'the boy' is...very interesting...

I spend my Sunday...cleaning... i gave my refrigerator a thorough cleaning along with the microwave...GROSS!!! how in the world do they get like that...how is it i never seem to notice i spill tea or juice when i take the pitcher out...but after cleaning it i'm very aware that i do this...and quite often apparently!...and still NO calls....i watch my favorite show Brothers & Sisters, playback the Amazing Race...and then head to bed...still no calls...still questioning my role....

and then at 3:01 am...it happened...a call...a real call...while i can't discuss the case...i can explain to you the sense of accomplishment and awareness of my "need" at that very moment...some victim somewhere needed our services...and i helped provide them...while i couldn't go back to sleep because i was restless...somewhat worried about the outcome of the case...and somewhat sadden by the fact that sexual assault happens so frequently...i was relieved to know that i was there...that someone will be there...and that the victim won't have to go through it alone...because that's what i signed up for...to help people...and this weekend...for one person...i did!

(i titled my post uneventful...then typed this...then added the rest...guess it was more eventful than even i realized!)